I have spent a lot of time on Elis's blog, New Beginnings. I cannot tell you the number of her posts I have identified with. I can understand, reading her blog and the comments of her friends, how you can come to feel closer to your "blogging" family, more so than your "blood" family.
I am tired and probably should not be posting this at the moment. I just don't know when I will have the opportunity to, so I want to try to say what is on my mind while it is there. I just read the entry for Sunday, November 26, 2006. I want those rules. I thought I had vocalized this to R. I guess not clearly enough. I am probably going to print the post and put it on his pillow.
I am also reeling from a large amount of disappointment.
We have had it all planned out, since this last weekend. We are supposed to be child free. It is his daughter’s weekend with her mother. The woman is an absolutely certifiable crazy BITCH. And I don’t mean that in a flattering way,
(Beautiful woman), in her wettest and wildest dreams, maybe….NOT!!!!!
(In ), her mind, somewhere, that is dangerously assuming that she still has any cells left working
(Total), I only wish she were, then maybe she would quit trying to worry about mine
(Control), she believes that this is her mission in life, to control everyone/thing
(of Herself), she needs to learn some self control!!!!!
For those of you who may not have heard of the acronym before. So, most of the time, if I call you a total BITCH, I am extending a compliment. Those that know me will tell you this.
Anyway, to get back on track, I left R this morning, to go to the Rose capital, where I used to live, for multiple doctor appointments, with the understanding that when I got home late on Friday evening, ie later today, I would be getting home to a virtually empty house. LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!!!!!
I called to check in and say goodnight to R, when he tells me that the raving maniac called and INFORMED him that their daughter would be staying home until she gets off of work on Saturday evening!!!!!!!! He told her that he had plans with me. It didn’t even phase her. Actually, I believe that it did. I would lay odds that the second she hung up the phone she did a happy dance to realize she had interfered with our plans.
What makes me the most mad, is that while I am very glad that R has told her that we have plans, ( 3 months ago, he would just told me that our plans were out the window), she is still controlling him and us!!!!! I am not allowed to even speak to the lunatic, not that I have any desire to do so, but any time that I mention that I would, he goes off on how much harder HIS life will be if I am unable to exercise some self control. I know he is right, but damn it, he enables her, and hides behind the excuse that he is trying to do what is best for the children. WELL, WHAT ABOUT OUR CHILDREN?!?!?!?!?!?
OK, now that I have ranted, and not what I had originally intended to rant about….I am going to go back to reading and see where I am later.
Take Care and Happy Spanking!!!
Theresa in Texas
Friday, February 19, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
History
OK, So, being new to this I suppose I should give a little history on HOW I got here. I have known R (my S.O. No, we are not married) for 28+ years. We have had an on and off relationship. We finally moved in with each other a few months back. We share 3 boys, but have 9 children between the 2 of us, so our life is full. Before we moved in, I, during one of our "spats" (Again, NO, he won't fight with me either and I am a bit of a hothead) was surfing the net, trying to find out what it was I thought I was missing. Not understanding what that might be, or how to get it, if I couldn't articulate it, felt that surfing might be the way to narrow it down. Boy was I right AND wrong! I ultimately stumbled across a BDSM Library, full of a variety of stories. I enjoyed reading them. A very few were in line with my fantasies, but most were just interesting. So I even joined a local BDSM group. They were the nicest people!!!! I even went to a couple of the “MUNCHES”. That was even nicer, as I now had faces and REAL personalities and voices to put to the online identities. It was strange and a big relief to be there, and find that no one there thought that I was “abnormal”. And while we did talk a lot about sex, there was often talk about other much more normal things. I am still a part of the group, though I don’t post anymore and haven’t been to a MUNCH since I moved away from that city. I always say that I am going to make the effort to go back but haven’t managed it yet.
One of the things that I identified with the most, and unfortunately, I didn’t recognize, was that while the DOM/sub relationship appealed to me, I am a very strong minded and stubborn personality that doesn’t tolerate being told what to do. I guess I should explain. I have a hard time, even at work sometimes, being told what to do. I have for most of my life been “the boss” in some way. I had 8 younger sisters. My mother and her husband often worked 14 to 18 hours a day, which left me to watch my sisters and take care of things. Then in my marriage (ok, so I WAS married, for 22 years to a man, that while I was married to him was a wonderful person, who took extremely good care of me and helped me to grow up in a lot of ways and also let me enjoy my childhood that I had not really had. According to our children, us divorcing, which was his choice, was not one of his better decisions), I “wore the pants”. That is to say, that he was a geek who would rather interact with a computer than people and the everyday things were beneath him. Discipline was beyond him and making a decision was a very time consuming process. So, while my ex was extremely good at taking care of me in most ways, it also worked out that all major decisions were mine, along with any consequences/credit for the decisions made. It worked well, and I didn’t mind. So, anyway, it was pointed out to me by my best friend, that while I have a very Victorian outlook on life, I live by a very feminist standard. She also pointed out that this seemed to be a big bone of contention between R and I. I gave this a lot of thought and couldn’t say that I disagreed. I, while desiring the sub lifestyle, could see, in my posts and conversations with the BDSM group, how I sounded like a natural DOM. NOT what I wanted. I kept surfing.
Somewhere in my surfing, I found a CDD site. CDD stands for Christian Domestic Discipline. I was home!!!!! If you are curious, I definitely suggest you check it out. It seems to have all of the things that are important to me! There is mutual respect, the ability to be your own person, a forum for holding yourself to a greater standard by honoring a higher power, a spiritual strength and bonding to keep things respectful and happy. It especially appealed to me, because, while it allowed me to have my opinion and be my own person, it also gave a definitive structure to follow. I would be allowed to lead AND could learn to follow!
Not long after I found this site, R and I were talking again. I told him what my best friend had said about me and my personality. Unfortunately, he agreed, but wasn’t as kind in his take on things. He wasn’t trying to be mean, but it hurt. Yet, being as in love with this man, I decided we needed to do something, if we were ever going to have a chance of building a life together. So, I gave him an overview and asked if he would read about it and see if he would be willing to at least try it. Amazingly enough he said yes!!!! OH, HAPPY DAYS!!!! I didn’t get to see him for a couple of weeks. During that time, we talked more about it and I expressed to him a lot of my fears and goals. I was most especially afraid that he would think that I was just too weird. I was also afraid that I was asking too much of him. He said that we could try it, but it became increasing obvious it isn’t something that he was capable of doing long distance. So, we started the process of trying to put our lives together in one place again.
During the months that we didn’t live together, I accidentally found that I LOVED being spanked. It started out that, per the CDD sight, the first thing that was to be done, was that I was to get a “discipline” spanking, that would be one of the worst that I would get, for a variety of reasons. To forgive all past trespasses and to “break” me; that I could feel forgiven and be able to accept R as my HOH (head of household). Unfortunately, I don’t cry from pain. Instead I “dig my heels in” and crawl into my own head. He gave up, because he was afraid of hurting me. I can’t say that he was wrong. The bruising that showed up over the next couple of days really freaked me out. It stuck around WAY longer than the afterglow or physical discomfort. The physical discomfort was not bad, as a matter of fact, it was wonderful!!!! I was very disappointed when it went away. So, I did some more reading, especially about bruising and began exploring spanking sites and stories. Things were put on hold for a couple of years. We did do some spanking, but it seemed to mostly be erotic, which was ok. Not exactly what I wanted but at least it was there. I also found over this time, that it was a great stress reliever. Even if it was just an erotic spanking.
You also need to know that R is not a touchy feely personality. As far as I know, I am the only person he ever tolerated it from, until his daughter came on the scene. In his marriage, his wife was not a touchy feely personality either, so that was ok with them. It isn’t ok with me. I am VERY touchy feely. I am and always have been glad that he has tolerated it with me. I have even gotten him to where he actually goes through spells where he will be that way with me. It is still a work in progress.
So, now, we are together, determined to build a life and live in a lifestyle that appeals to both of us. He has been most open to exploring this with me and is a willing if tentative participant. He is still very much afraid of hurting me, for which, while I find that somewhat limiting am still grateful for. I have always trusted him with my physical being and am learning to communicate and re-trust him with my emotional being as well.
It was so nice that he has been so accepting of what I have said and all of the research that I have asked him to read. We are going to get there, someday. Soon I hope!
I will try to not post quite so much next time.
Thanks for reading! Happy Spanking!
Theresa in Texas
One of the things that I identified with the most, and unfortunately, I didn’t recognize, was that while the DOM/sub relationship appealed to me, I am a very strong minded and stubborn personality that doesn’t tolerate being told what to do. I guess I should explain. I have a hard time, even at work sometimes, being told what to do. I have for most of my life been “the boss” in some way. I had 8 younger sisters. My mother and her husband often worked 14 to 18 hours a day, which left me to watch my sisters and take care of things. Then in my marriage (ok, so I WAS married, for 22 years to a man, that while I was married to him was a wonderful person, who took extremely good care of me and helped me to grow up in a lot of ways and also let me enjoy my childhood that I had not really had. According to our children, us divorcing, which was his choice, was not one of his better decisions), I “wore the pants”. That is to say, that he was a geek who would rather interact with a computer than people and the everyday things were beneath him. Discipline was beyond him and making a decision was a very time consuming process. So, while my ex was extremely good at taking care of me in most ways, it also worked out that all major decisions were mine, along with any consequences/credit for the decisions made. It worked well, and I didn’t mind. So, anyway, it was pointed out to me by my best friend, that while I have a very Victorian outlook on life, I live by a very feminist standard. She also pointed out that this seemed to be a big bone of contention between R and I. I gave this a lot of thought and couldn’t say that I disagreed. I, while desiring the sub lifestyle, could see, in my posts and conversations with the BDSM group, how I sounded like a natural DOM. NOT what I wanted. I kept surfing.
Somewhere in my surfing, I found a CDD site. CDD stands for Christian Domestic Discipline. I was home!!!!! If you are curious, I definitely suggest you check it out. It seems to have all of the things that are important to me! There is mutual respect, the ability to be your own person, a forum for holding yourself to a greater standard by honoring a higher power, a spiritual strength and bonding to keep things respectful and happy. It especially appealed to me, because, while it allowed me to have my opinion and be my own person, it also gave a definitive structure to follow. I would be allowed to lead AND could learn to follow!
Not long after I found this site, R and I were talking again. I told him what my best friend had said about me and my personality. Unfortunately, he agreed, but wasn’t as kind in his take on things. He wasn’t trying to be mean, but it hurt. Yet, being as in love with this man, I decided we needed to do something, if we were ever going to have a chance of building a life together. So, I gave him an overview and asked if he would read about it and see if he would be willing to at least try it. Amazingly enough he said yes!!!! OH, HAPPY DAYS!!!! I didn’t get to see him for a couple of weeks. During that time, we talked more about it and I expressed to him a lot of my fears and goals. I was most especially afraid that he would think that I was just too weird. I was also afraid that I was asking too much of him. He said that we could try it, but it became increasing obvious it isn’t something that he was capable of doing long distance. So, we started the process of trying to put our lives together in one place again.
During the months that we didn’t live together, I accidentally found that I LOVED being spanked. It started out that, per the CDD sight, the first thing that was to be done, was that I was to get a “discipline” spanking, that would be one of the worst that I would get, for a variety of reasons. To forgive all past trespasses and to “break” me; that I could feel forgiven and be able to accept R as my HOH (head of household). Unfortunately, I don’t cry from pain. Instead I “dig my heels in” and crawl into my own head. He gave up, because he was afraid of hurting me. I can’t say that he was wrong. The bruising that showed up over the next couple of days really freaked me out. It stuck around WAY longer than the afterglow or physical discomfort. The physical discomfort was not bad, as a matter of fact, it was wonderful!!!! I was very disappointed when it went away. So, I did some more reading, especially about bruising and began exploring spanking sites and stories. Things were put on hold for a couple of years. We did do some spanking, but it seemed to mostly be erotic, which was ok. Not exactly what I wanted but at least it was there. I also found over this time, that it was a great stress reliever. Even if it was just an erotic spanking.
You also need to know that R is not a touchy feely personality. As far as I know, I am the only person he ever tolerated it from, until his daughter came on the scene. In his marriage, his wife was not a touchy feely personality either, so that was ok with them. It isn’t ok with me. I am VERY touchy feely. I am and always have been glad that he has tolerated it with me. I have even gotten him to where he actually goes through spells where he will be that way with me. It is still a work in progress.
So, now, we are together, determined to build a life and live in a lifestyle that appeals to both of us. He has been most open to exploring this with me and is a willing if tentative participant. He is still very much afraid of hurting me, for which, while I find that somewhat limiting am still grateful for. I have always trusted him with my physical being and am learning to communicate and re-trust him with my emotional being as well.
It was so nice that he has been so accepting of what I have said and all of the research that I have asked him to read. We are going to get there, someday. Soon I hope!
I will try to not post quite so much next time.
Thanks for reading! Happy Spanking!
Theresa in Texas
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Hello
I am a swf, who finds herself in an interesting and overwhelming place in her life. I have so much in my mind that to try to put it all down on paper would fill a couple of sets of encyclopedias. I type the way that I talk/think. I am a study in contradictions. I, through a very twisted and convoluted route, have discovered that I am into spanking and all of it's benefits. I, while single, am in a committed relationship with a wonderful man, whom I have known for 28+ years. We are going to make this work. I am hoping that this page will develope into what I envision. It will most definately be a constant work in progress. I hope that I am able to get some feedback and help along the way. I look forward to the journey.
I know that there are going to be lurkers. Having been one myself, I welcome you and hope that you will eventually feel comfortable enough to come out. Maybe even start your own blog. That is how I began and many others as well.
I believe in living and letting live. If you find this subject matter or my thoughts too different from yours, then please feel free to lurk elsewhere. I know that what I do is right for me. Ultimately it is between God and myself. As are your actions. With that being said, I welcome you, each and everyone.
Take care and enjoy.
Theresa in Texas
I know that there are going to be lurkers. Having been one myself, I welcome you and hope that you will eventually feel comfortable enough to come out. Maybe even start your own blog. That is how I began and many others as well.
I believe in living and letting live. If you find this subject matter or my thoughts too different from yours, then please feel free to lurk elsewhere. I know that what I do is right for me. Ultimately it is between God and myself. As are your actions. With that being said, I welcome you, each and everyone.
Take care and enjoy.
Theresa in Texas
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